Am I a bad mom?

When I was pregnant with my son, we took photos of my growing belly every month during my pregnancy. We did a 3D ultrasound. We bought a baby book and started filling it before the birth. Granted, many pages are still unfilled and we haven’t printed any photos to paste in it, but still. There are mementos that were preserved in those pages.

This time around, we haven’t taken any photos of my belly yet. We haven’t captured those fleeting moments when my son gives the baby a kiss. We haven’t scanned my 32 week ultrasound photos to send to family and friends. We don’t have a baby book yet. And even without doing any of that, we are overwhelmed, exhausted and out of time.

I am afraid that some day, my second born will look at all those photos of his or her big brother in my belly and wonder where the similar photos of him or her growing inside my womb are. Of course, I will not love him or her any less than my first born. And I really, truly want to do all these cute things I did the first time around. But it seems like there is not enough hours in a day to be cute between the meals, the dishes, the laundry and the scolding of our preschooler who needs to learn to verbalize his frustration instead of reacting aggressively. And I’m not even talking about cleaning our place – I’m not a big fan of cleaning and I am fine with leaving a bit of a mess to have more time to do more fun stuff, but there are limits that should be respected.

So are my priorities wrong? I know this pregnancy will never come back and I should be spending more time on preserving it for later, but at the same time, we still need to eat, don’t we? And I need to sleep – please! I want to sleep!

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