Moving plankton…

Our baby-to-be has definitely passed the stage of plankton. I have been feeling him (her?) (it?) for a while now, as early as 16 1/2 weeks, which is much earlier than during my first pregnancy, as is often the case. Now that I am at 21 weeks (officially today), the little thing that is soon to turn our lives upside down (again) is really moving a lot. And I love it!

Granted, I have never been woken up by the movements of my baby (this one or the precedent). Even though my first-born was extremely active, he seemed to be nice enough to let me rest at night. So except for an occasional annoying kick on the bladder or in the spleen, it’s more fun than anything else. I say the spleen, but I have no idea where my spleen is or how it would feel to have it kicked. All I know is that sometimes I feel kicks on the outside of my belly, but sometimes it’s on the inside and it’s a bit weirder. I mean, imagine something (someone) was tugging at your insides and moving your organs around. Strange. But so far, not actually painful.

And definitely fun. I remember missing it after my son was born. Missing this presence inside of me. I guess a pregnant woman is never really alone (although the mother of a newborn rarely is either, but a fetus is a much more quiet and relaxing companion than a newborn). Once the baby is born, he’s on his way to a life of growing independence. As long as he’s inside of you, he’s still part of you, he’s still yours entirely. Other people may be lucky enough to feel him a few times, but you feel him all the time.

When the baby starts moving, it’s hard to forget that he’s there for even a few minutes. It’s sometimes even hard to concentrate on work. All of a sudden you have a constant reminder of what is to come. Fun. But scary as hell. It’s like your life as a mother (or mother of two, in my case) has already started. There is definitely no turning back. Of course, there never was, but now it’s more obvious.

Although I definitely have a bump now, nobody seems to dare talk to me about it. Only one person so far who didn’t know I was pregnant actually asked me. But no one at work has asked me.  I guess it is too embarrassing when you ask someone who isn’t pregnant, so they will wait until somebody else tells them (or until I am about to pop and they’re 100% sure they can’t be wrong).

Anyway, I’m being sidetracked. What I really wanted to say is that as this will very likely be my last pregnancy, I know that just over 4 months from now I will never again feel one of those little growing things boxing with my insides. And I know that I will mourn it like crazy. Even though this pregnancy is a little bit harder than the first, even though I feel really tired (when I’m in the period when all the books say I should have more energy), I still love being pregnant. And once all is said and done and my youngest is in kindergarten, I suspect I will miss having a fetus inside of me much more than I will miss having a newborn to cuddle.

Although I will miss that too!

2 Responses to “Moving plankton…”

  1. Anne Says:

    Over the years, lots of people have asked me if I were pregnant when I weren’t. At age 16, I found it funny, but now, I find it quite annoying, and people do feel pretty bad when I answer “no, I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat”. So I guess it’s a good thing to wait till they’re sure!

    For my part, I do not miss being pregnant, although it is great to feel your baby moving inside. I’m glad I’m done with it, but glader yet to have had the opportunity to live it.

  2. sophie Says:

    Funny, yesterday someone at work asked me if I was pregnant. She is a very large woman, so I wonder if she felt more comfortable asking me, since if I had said “no, I’m just fat”, she could have said something like “well, not as much as I am”… Or maybe it’s just really obvious now, as someone else just mentioned it today!