Only two months left

In two months, I will be going back to work. My son, who just yesterday was only a shrimp-shaped shadow on an ultrasound photo, will be a year old on August 6.

I know that I have been very lucky to be able to take that year of maternity leave while receiving 93% of my salary. And I am also lucky that my husband will stay home with our son: I will not have to worry about him or run around like crazy between home, work and daycare. No, I’m not worried at all about my son, who will have a blast with his dad.

I’m worried about me.

I like my work, but lately my workplace has been… Well, let’s just say that there were lots of conflicts going on when I left and it doesn’t seem to have changed.

Added to that is the fact that I have been enjoying my year off tremendously. I have kept busy with play group, mommy-baby fitness classes, walks to the dog park and other baby-friendly activities. I have grown accustomed to building a schedule that spans Monday to Friday (instead of Saturday-Sunday) and changing it 3 times a week depending on my baby’s sleep schedule and my state of sleep-deprivedness. I have not needed my analytical brain much (except for trying to figure out what food my son is now allowed to eat at his current age and making sure I don’t forget to buy the needed groceries). I have not spoken French nearly enough and am afraid my performance at work will suffer from that lapse. And I’m not sure how a 37.5 hours work week will agree with my bum, which is not used to being sat on for that long anymore – I have been walking for at least one or two hours a day, much of that with a now 20-pound baby in my arms.

And, well, I’m used to being with my son 24 hours a day (except during sleep, but even that is always interrupted). I have left him for a few hours here and there, but it will be strange to be away from him most of the time. Even knowing he will be fine, I will be sad to miss some of his “firsts” and new developments. I more than enjoyed sharing his every laughter and activity. It will be strange to become the “other” parent when I have been the primary caregiver for a year, and to lose touch with his ever-changing schedules and habits.

So here I am, with the end in sight and so many plans to cram in the next 2 months. I know that they will go by so fast I will not have much time for that kind of introspection anymore. And probably a lot less time for this blog. Maybe my husband will take over. Maybe not. Time will tell. So while I still have time (and even more of it, as my son is sleeping better and better at nap time nowadays), I wanted to pause and share with you my thoughts on the end of that wonderful year. A unique experience that will never come back and that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Here is to hoping that this time investment will bear fruit and that our son will turn out ok!

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